My Indieweb Friends are Fighting and I Don't Like It

Sunday, January 26, 2025

There has been a disturbance in the indie blog force this week.

Typically, I stay out of online arguments. This is something I learned when I was a mere youngster toying around on BBSs and Usenet. Arguing didn’t amount to much. Even when you “win”, do you really? Trophies are yet to be presented.

So when this week’s ruckus broke out, my standard rules applied. Stay out of it. Don’t pile on.

Writing this now is challenging, because I worry that it won’t help, it will create more confusion, and, selfishly, perhaps sticking my head above the parapet will lead to it being blasted off. Or even just caught in a ricochet.

I’m not even certain I am fully understanding all aspects of the argument at hand. Yet more reason to stay quiet.

So why write something now? Why get involved? Because I have skin in the game. I’m a user of all three platforms/services in question: micro.blog, omg.lol and Tinylytics/Shoutouts. Beyond that, I have connections with all three of the owners. I have corresponded with Manton over many years, I have semi-regular chats with Adam, and I’ve had online chats with Vincent and he helped me with some coding challenges.

So all of this feels more personal than it typically might. I feel like a friend watching his other friends have a fight, and as the friend I don’t know whether I should let them work it out, or if I should step in and shout at everyone to “break it up!”. In a friendship circle, disagreements happen. Arguments can be cathartic and educational. Growth can come from finding middle ground and seeing different perspectives. We can improve our own selves by seeing the perspective of others.

I have reached out to be both Adam and Manton privately, as a friend should. Now I’m writing this piece.

I wasn’t going to post anything public.

I wonder if this will be a mistake.

Words are hard. What I’ve written in the paragraphs above isn’t perfect. I don’t think it’s expressing the nuance of what is actually in my head.

Laid over the top of the challenges of the back and forth this week are cultural differences. I have an Australian perspective. This disagreement is between Americans. Australians are renowned for being “laid back”. Traditionally, we aim to find the middle ground and leave each to their own if that fails. That culture is being challenged in the internet age.

I’m a 47 year old man that grew up in the 1980s where societal norms were different. I was raised in a religious environment. I was taught what was right and wrong according to the values of God as they were presented in that setting.

I feel generationally split as I see a younger cohort grow up beneath me with completely different mindsets and societal norms. I live and grow and work hard to avoid becoming calcified and conservative. Background, culture, upbringing, and the ability to accept and consider new thinking all affects how we adapt to the reality of now. None of this is easy.

As I was growing up, a societal challenge was for gay and lesbian people to be accepted. With my upbringing noted earlier, that was a challenge for me. It took time. It was a journey of mine that required consideration, introspection and an assessment of values in my own life against those I was taught as a child.

Now we are onto the next era, which is about progression of the broader LGBTQI+ community. I’m not an expert in the experiences of that collective. It’s not something that has directly affected my personal life, so in a sense, I’ve had the option to keep it all at arm’s length. However, I approach it in the same way I did with the LG era; by listening, thinking, and not judging.

I imagine younger generations might also be open to their own journey of growth through this LGBTQI+ era, in the same way that I had my journey through the LG era. It may take them time, experience, and communication. And it may result in a few missteps and miscommunications along the way.

Ultimately, what I hope for is that we keep our lines of communication open, and take a compassionate view as people learn and grow.

This post has turned into a bit of a random walk of thoughts. At this point I should probably end.

I hope this somewhat confused post doesn’t lead to more anger, frustration, or cancellation.

I hope we can find a path forward, even if that path is zigzagged.